Extra Cuddles

The thought of my leaving is starting to sink in now. I am the happy receiver of extra kisses and cuddles from the boys. Even the oldest, usually too cool for anything other than a head nod when I drop him off at school, is letting me know....this is what I found in my coat pocket yesterday.

Finally started.

I didn't anticipate this trip to cost me so much in pharmaceuticals! 200$ today!

But this is why I love the dollar store...

my own personal travel toilet paper.

Where the rubber hits the road.

I've said from the beginning that I refused to feel guilty for taking on this personal journey. This is proving to be more difficult than I thought. Actually, it's proving down right impossible.
I think it's important to be honest, especially for this experience to be fully embodied -- good or bad. It will change me as a person, for that I'm sure (and I've been told many times). In the spirit of honesty, I reflect on this heavy feeling of guilt that I have been pretending not to carry with me.

My own guilty conscience is getting the better of me, it feels tremendously heavy.

When I first told friends and family about this trip, the first question was 'What does their father think about that?'

It's true. I am asking alot. Four weeks to care for the kids is a long time.

But...but what?
I don't know, I guess I just have to trust that what I'm doing is o.k., for me , and for everyone counting on me.

Nuff for now, gotta start packing.

Procrasti-Nation

You may delay, but time will not.  ~Benjamin Franklin

So with only 14 days left, why am I still no where near ready to start thinking about packing? Is this part of the process? Am I purposely not getting ready?

The entire family, myself included, is acting as though my trip were months away. Really, guys -- 14 days, 13 sleeps, 4 hockey games, and 2 weekends.

Kid #1 gave my name to be a volunteer for a hockey team activity that's happening on...Oct. 11th.
Daddy says he'll get me his work schedule for October in a couple of weeks for me to plan for backup.
I have yet to make up a list of things to purchase for the trip.

But I was SO excited! I started this blog in July for goodness sakes.

Alas, the family is in procrastinating mode, perpetually delaying the preparation involved in seeing mommy take off for 4 weeks!

Denial feels great, until you realize it's denial.

Repurposing my purpose remember?

A few weeks ago I mentioned that I was reflecting on exactly what I wanted out of this trip. As the date gets closer, it seems to be getting clearer.

I want to be a traveller, not a tourist.

This means that I want to take the time to engage with the local people. To listen to their stories, take part in their activities. This means that I may not have time to visit 'touristy' landmarks, it may even mean that I won't be able to take as many pictures as I had originally promised friends and family.

And that's ok. Because what I want is to experience India, not see India.

The beauty of this blog is that I can describe and share these experiences as they happen, in written form, without having to subject the locals to further marginalization by 'objectifying' them with my camera.

Woah...Deep.

Emergency - Parent Preparedness Plan

I wasn’t expecting to have my stomach in knots a month before departure. But I’m in the early stages of being a total wreck. Already, I’m panicking about leaving the kids for a whole month, already I wonder who will possibly think of all of the things that usually only I think about? These are important things!!

Who will remind my youngest to go #2 everyday?
Who will make sure to separate the ‘delicates’ in the laundry?
Who will remember to send a note to the teacher when there is a problem with one of the kids? Better yet, who will spot those problems before they are problems?
How will life possibly go on without me?

Sheesh, sounds like I’m leaving the kids in a box in the backyard or something. I’m leaving them their father for goodness sakes. They will be fine right? Yes, they will be fine.

BUT just in case...to make it ‘easier’ on him, I’ll do up a list of things not to forget. I’ll put together a daily schedule. That will be helpful right?
I am going to put together a daily schedule, pulling in family and friends, each taking on a task –

Day 2 grandma picking up Kid #2 at 4:30pm taking little guy to hockey practice

Day 3 auntie picking up Kid # 1 at school taking him for his allergy shots

Day 4 Neighbour taking both Kid # 1 and 2 to grandma who will feed them, then call auntie to pick # 1 for karate and dropping off # 2 at friends house for school project which will be dropped off at school by said friend’s mom for Kid #2, while bringing #1 to Dairy Queen, where grandpa will pick him up after work and bring home to daddy.

Currently on page 12 of schedule development.
I hope he appreciates this. He would do that for me if he went away on a long business trip right?
Yes, he would make me a list.

"Oct 31 - 6pm - arrival at airport."